


Memories Best Left Forgotten

by lynsaneinthemembrane



Category: IT - Stephen King, IT Chapter 2
Genre: Angst, Eddie is still dead this is not a fix-it, I have so many. Feelings., IT: chapter 2 spoilers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Reddie, blood mention, the angstiest of angst, this is mostly sad drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 15:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20641667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynsaneinthemembrane/pseuds/lynsaneinthemembrane
Summary: Richie Tozier has been to hell and back. And he just wants to forget.





	Memories Best Left Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Y’all. I am beside myself. Here’s some sad stuff.

Richie Tozier remembered a time when he didn’t remember. A time when he didn’t know the town of Derry existed. He remembered when the name Eddie Kaspbrak meant nothing to him. Richie craved for the days he lived in that blissful ignorance, when he wasn’t haunted by the blank, staring eyes of his dead best friend. He remembered the days when his chest didn’t ache in longing for a love he could barely admit to himself, much less anyone else. Especially not Eddie. 

Richie Tozier remembered when he couldn’t remember. 

But now his mind was flooded with memories. Every touch, every laugh, every time he made Eddie smile. How that smile would make his heart beat so fiercely, Richie was sure it would jump right out of his chest. And he remembered all of that self-loathing. Admittedly, that deep-embedded hatred for himself never really left, but it was all different now. Deeper. That burning shame. He remembered where it all stemmed from. 

Richie Tozier had hoped it would happen again, hoped he’d forget it all after leaving Derry. But those memories clung to his mind, stuck on replay like some broken VCR from his childhood. He remembered the fear. The paralyzing fear every time Henry Bowers hurled the word _faggot_ at him, terrified that one of his friends might get an inkling about the truth behind that insult. A fear worse than any the clown could instill. The fear that bubbled and churned in his gut, threatening to empty the contents of his stomach at any given moment. 

Richie Tozier wanted to forget. 

Richie wanted to forget how his pulse raced with a mixture of exhilaration and anxiety, while he carved his secret for the world to see on the Kissing Bridge. R + E. He wanted to forget passing the carving almost every day with the rest of the Losers, smirking to himself. Richie wanted to forget all those late nights he’d stay up, fantasizing about a time when he and Eddie could be together, dreaming of a world where his best friend returned his feelings. He wanted to forget how he would kid himself in thinking that it would all come true one day. 

Richie wanted to forget how it all came rushing back to him the moment he saw Eddie at that Chinese restaurant. How his heart raced, and his knees felt weak, and every other cliché in the fucking book. 

Richie Tozier wanted to forget it all. 

Richie wanted to forget looking into the Deadlights, and the unspeakable horrors they showed him. He wanted to forget how Eddie had saved him, his face being the first sight to grace his eyes. He wanted to forget how even the terrifying visions the Deadlights has revealed were nothing compared to what would happen next. 

Richie wanted to forget how Eddie’s elated smile sagged into a pained grimace, right as It’s claw pierced his chest. He wanted to forget the sickly warmth of Eddie’s blood splashing across his torso, metallic flecks landing on his tongue. He wanted to forget the way Eddie choked out his name, eyes wide with pure terror. How even in those final moments, he still couldn’t bring himself to admit the truth to Eddie. Richie wanted to forget that his best friend died alone. 

Richie Tozier remembered a time when he didn’t remember he was in love with Eddie Kaspbrak. And now all he wants to do is forget.


End file.
